rain rain go away

the monsoon season is almost upon us.
seems to have started for me though.
my mood swings are starting to mirror the weather.
from extreme sunny dispositons where i believe i can right all the wrongs i have done to downright dark stormy downpours where i drown.
i've always been easily affected by my emotional enviroment and the flash floods just keep coming and coming...

at least it's who i really am. no more shelving away if i want to be me.
JH came back from his mission trip 2 days ago and we had a kopi session last night.
it was good to talk to him. he made me realise that i need an anchor. and it's something i've always known the answer to but just kept avoiding all these years.

it felt good to talk to him again and i had my first real night of peaceful sleep in ages after that. i've always questioned why we have to face so many trials and tribulations in this life. JH just answered me simply that it's cos he chastises the ones he really loves. if he didn't love us, why bother? a simple answer to a question that i've always been asking myself and imagined unanswerable all these years.

i've still got a long way to go in this journey. and i daresay the forecast is more showers and stormy weather ahead(after all the monsoon is coming). it's a choice of facing the tempest with a downtrodden defeated look on your face, hating every moment cos you're getting wet or going out there weathering it with a grin, enjoying the raindrops on your face and whistling 'singing in the rain'. like hell if i'm going to throw the towel, umbrella, galoshes, raincoat and the kitchen sink in.

one dance left.